Getting some things off my chest

Some people may or may not get this as a first impression but I am so shy to the point that I dread being around people.  Now you may say that seems a bit strange.  I work in the airline industry and come across thousands on a daily basis.  That's true but that's my job and with my job I can be strictly business and I don't have to get personal with the passengers.

In the back of my mind I always knew but my husband pointed it out to me; I have anti-social behavior.  I admit, I am a loner.  I don't talk much on the phone, I don't text, and I don't do a lot of visiting or have visitors at my house.  I prefer being curled up on the sofa reading a good book or sitting with my lap top hammering out pages.  I've always been this way. I'll go on vacation by myself, I'll go to the movies by myself, I'll even dine alone.  I attribute a lot of this behavior to the way I grew up.  When I was six, my parents moved my sister and I away from a neighborhood where there were kids everywhere.  I had no problem going from house to house playing with the other kids and visiting with their parents too. Then we moved to a neighborhood where all we had were each other.  The neighbors didn't look like us and their children were grown. 

Now as my sister and I got older, she started hanging out with a lot of her friends whereas I just kind of did my my own thing.  If I never talked to another soul that was just fine with me. I remember attending my high school and people not knowing who I was, they knew my sister, but not me.  

I remember attending a retreat with a group of ladies and one of them asked, "are you always this quiet?"  I have to admit, yes, even around my own relatives I can be shy and withdrawn.  I prefer to be the wall flower instead of the social butterfly.  I admire people who can walk into a room and strike up a conversation with ease.  I may walk into a room, speak from a distance and retreat to a spot to sit down and check things out.

I've been called weird before, I've been called sneaky, and even a little eccentric.  There are times when I just don't care what people think of me and other times where every opinion about me matters.

Some of my friends get angry with me because I don't share a lot of myself with them.  My husband says in order to be a friend you have to show yourself friendly.  I'm working on it and praying about it.  I get invited to a lot of socials and I'll admit, it's not cool to be on the outside looking in.  Everyone gets the inside joke and you're always the odd one out.  I'll be honest, sometimes I get a bit lonely.  Sure I have my husband and my daughter always keeping me on my toes but sometimes you need friends to come by and swoop you up to say, "Hey Wendy, let's go to bible study, or hey Wendy let's go check out that new stage play."

I may not be the loudest person in the group or the one with all the witty jokes but I'll be the listener and I'll go as far as being the designated driver.  I wish people reading this will see that I'm trying and working on getting out of my comfort zone.  I'm praying to God for help more so now than ever before.  Just thought I'd get this off my chest.